People think I’m absolutely crazy when I tell them I am 100% positive that I don’t want any more children at age 25.
“How can you be sure?”, “You’re still so young!”, “Give it time”, “You’ll hit 30 & you’re biological clock will be ticking then you’ll get broody for more”. The list goes on. I’ve given up arguing that I’m as sure now as I’ll ever be & to whip out my womb now but everybody seems to know my mind better than myself.
The truth is, I’m not a ‘natural’ mother. I’ve never particularly liked children. Even at school, my group of friends would talk about our future & I was always the one expected to have a successful career but the last to have a family. I was the first.
I didn’t want to hold my own children after their pretty traumatic (& super quick – 40 mins & 6 mins!) births, in fact, I didn’t want them anywhere near me & had to be coaxed by midwifes who must have thought I was bonkers. I felt awful from the minute they were born that I didn’t have that maternal rush of love that you see/hear about. I was a failure. I spoke more about that here.
Many people would question whether I had postnatal depression, which I had several health visitors diagnosing me with when I laughed at their questionnaire.
Do you cry more often than usual? Yes, because I’ve just had a baby & my hormones are shot to shit.
Do you feel helpless? Yes, because I’ve just had a baby & what new mother doesn’t feel helpless when her baby is crying non stop & nothing you do makes them shut up.
Do you have a lack of energy? Yes, because I’ve just had a baby & THEY WON’T BLOODY SLEEP, WHICH MEANS I CAN’T SLEEP!
I know I didn’t have postnatal depression but I can’t help but look back on that stage with absolute dread.
I have the ‘perfect’ nuclear family – husband & wife with a little girl, a little boy & a dog. I don’t feel like I need anything more to increase my happiness or feel like anything is missing. I am more than perfectly content with how incredibly blessed we’ve been to have two healthy happy children. Every single day I feel so lucky.
This is why my husband Joe & I have decided that one of us needs to be sterilised, but it hasn’t been as easy as it should be.
I am SO sure I don’t want any more children, whether I’m with him or with Brad Pitt. A baby changes a mans life of course, but it drastically changes a woman’s. We are expected to be the ones that give up everything in order to be the main carer of that little tiny human, in most cases. I’ve done (& am currently knee deep in) it twice & am ready to start getting my own life back more as they get older.
One of the main reasons doctors are so against these operations are the ever rising divorce rate which many will unfortunately become part of the statistic. My husband calls me a pessimist but I say I’m a realist. Who knows how we’ll both feel in 5 or 10 years; people change, people fall out of love.
Despite all this, as a woman I am ‘too young’ to make the decision to be sterilised. My GP says that the NHS refuses to even look at any cases under the age of 30. This would mean another 5 years of taking artificial hormones & praying they are effective (I fell pregnant with Elsa whilst on the pill) before I’m apparently more sound of mind & mature enough to make such an important decision.
We both feel the same way about having any more children despite what everyone seems to say, but I’ve always felt it would be incredibly selfish of me to put pressure on him to have a procedure done that isn’t guaranteed to be reversible if we were to split up.
Since my recent cervical cancer scare, I’ve been even more sure that I don’t want to put any artificial hormones (having been on the pill since I was 14!) into my body. The cancer scare hit my husband hard & so he went of his own accord to our GP & has booked in to have a vasectomy (the snip) in a couple of weeks time.
It’s safe to say he’s going to be waited on hand & foot for the week whilst recovering & the only pitter patter of little feet in our household will be a golden retriever puppy in a few years (if I get my own way that is…).
Love,
Good on you. I admire your honesty! We are 28 and 31, married with one child and are sure we don't want anymore after I had a very large and scary dvt whilst pregnant. You've helped me feel ok to consider a long term fix! ��
Hi Gillian – I think from the feedback on Instagram, it's a lot more common than you/I thought! Sure you'll make the best decision for you & your family 🙂 x
Good for you! It's such a shame we can't have more of an input into our own bodies! X
So true but I suppose doctors have to consider all options & people do have changes of heart. The 'snip' is reversible (not on the NHS) but once a females been sterilised there's no going back! x
I'm so glad I've read this as I feel completely the same as you, howeber I suffered postnatal depression & only now (my youngest is 3years old) am I starting to feel like I'm getting back to normal and finally going down on medication. The doctors have refused me to be steralised as I'm 27 but I know i cannot go through baby stage ever again!
I suppose it's tricky for doctors as they obviously wouldn't want to sterilise someone for them to then go on and change their mind due to a new relationship or whatever reason. It's your body and your life so if you've decided as a couple that you're happy as you are then why not! 🙂
I'm the same age as you, no kids as yet but me and my hubby would really like to start trying soon however as I'm diabetic I've got to be really careful and make sure my blood sugars are under proper good control before even trying. I think if we can have just one healthy baby then we'll be happy.
Your littlens looked super cute at your best friend's wedding by the way 🙂
Melissa x
http://www.memoriesandmishapsblog.wordpress.com
You know this was a really interesting read. At school I was a baby mad 16 year old and everyone thought I'd get married young and start popping out lots of babies. Met Tom at 20, got married at 22 and now at 26 neither of us wants a baby. Im not adamant that I don't want enough to consider permanent fixes, but on the same merit I know that I don't necessarily need a baby to make my life complete. Im having my implant out today because I don't think the artificial hormones are good for my body, I've had cysts removed from my ovaries twice and I know there's only so many times I can have that surgery and so we decided if I get huge cysts again they'll take my ovaries. Mom was horrified.
Hi Heather, I'm so sorry to hear that! It is a shame the NHS don't consider women but maybe you can persuade your partner to go for the snip which is much less invasive than female sterilisation 🙂 x
Hi Melissa, that's very true…they need to cover all options I suppose as it's not reversible on women! Fingers crossed you'll be able to control your diabetes & have a little bubba in no time at all 🙂 x
Hi Charlotte, it's so weird how we can change isn't it? Maybe that's why they don't sterilise people easily as what we once thought was what we wanted, sometimes isn't always the case. I think it's amazing that you're strong enough to be able to openly admit that you don't want children & a baby won't make your life complete….it's the social 'norm' to get married & have kids, which isn't for everyone, but society always judges. Good on you! x