Happiness

I was recently flicking across my Instagram stories on Friday when I stopped to watch one of my favourite Instaladies (who’s now become a real life friend!) Elle from Feathering The Empty Nest saying how on that day, she had felt truly happy. If you already follow her (if you don’t, then what are you waiting for?!) then you’ll know that she lost her gorgeous son, Teddy, at just 3 days old last year & so decided to leave her high pressured job in London to heal herself. On her stories, Elle explains how when Teddy died, she honestly thought that she would never feel happiness again, but has learnt over time that it is actually okay to do so & to grasp those moments when they come.

One thing that really stood out to me is how at the beginning, Elle tries to justify why her life isn’t perfect before anyone makes any comments about her lifestyle.

Earlier that day, I had been sat in my office after dropping Rory off at nursery, sending a couple of emails before taking Elsa to school. She walked in all dressed in her little school uniform with a hairbrush & asked me to do her hair in two french plaits. As I sat there brushing her hair….I cried.

As tears ran down my face, she stood up (ruining the plait in the process..) & hugged me with a concerned look on her face asking ‘Mummy, why are you crying?’. I explained to her that I was happy. She asked me again, why was I crying so I told her that people don’t just cry when they’re sad, they cry when they are really really happy too.

I felt (& have been feeling now for probably about a year since my cervical cancer scare) truly content & just pure unadultarated happiness.

Why am I telling you all this? Because in that moment with all those feels, all I wanted to do was to shout from the rooftops about how happy I was. To tell my lovely Instafam how life is just perfect. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it…because I was worried I’d get messages from people that would dull that sparkle inside of me or bring me back down to earth with a crash.

It may be a typically British thing to not gloat/brag or ‘show off’, but why is it when times are bad it’s okay to moan & ask for advice. But when times are actually good, we keep it under wraps afraid that we’ll come across as ‘oh look at me’.

Surely we should be able to say ‘I am thankful for this, I am grateful for that, I’m proud of myself because of this & LIFE IS GREAT’. That’s not to say it’ll always be great obviously, but at that precise moment, everything is going just fine.

In all honesty, about 18 months ago I would never have thought I’d be possible of feeling so content in my life for more than a week at a time. I was lost & undergoing CBT therapy as well as taking medication for anxiety. I struggled through the joys of parenting two very young children which wasn’t ‘me’. I wasn’t convinced my marriage wasn’t right for me & I was constantly on edge, worrying about worrying. It was all consuming. I thought I was naturally one of those people who would always be seeking MORE.

I knew I had SO much to be grateful for & trust me, I did feel so fortunate but something was just wrong.

When my smear test results came back ‘abnormal’ last Summer & I was urgently booked in for surgery under general anaesthetic to investigate more, I didn’t cope well. I would spend hours googling symptoms & if I was going to die leaving my husband & young children alone. It was a wake up call that life is simply too short.

When I finally got the all clear, it was like a lightbulb moment or a switch being turned on. The doubts I had about my marriage seemed to disappear & the love that came from breaking down walls I had put up for too long intensified, I embraced my children more than ever & held them closer, I put more in to things I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do like running workshops from my home or attending PR events confidently & turning my dreams into a career that I LOVE. I let go of some friends that were holding me down & made new ones or embraced those already in my life. I became closer with my family. Everyone around me has seen a change that no amount of drugs or therapy could have bought me.

I’m not too sure why I’m sat here on a Sunday morning writing this or telling you all my feelings, but sometimes that’s what’s needed. I hope from this even if one person reads this & says ‘actually, do you know what, I AM happy & I’m going to tell everyone why rather than feeling embarrassed’.

At the end of the day, everyone has a reason to be proud of themselves & to be grateful for things they have in their life. The more we talk about this & moan less, the more positive we’ll feel & as they say….positivity breeds positivity.

In the wise words of Ronan Keating, ‘life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it’.

Love, 

If you’d like to donate towards Teddy’s legacy then you can view Elle’s JustGiving page here.

34 Comments

  1. Sara
    October 8, 2017 / 9:14 am

    Such a lovely post. So honest and helpful!
    Thank you for sharing! X

  2. Emma Fellows
    October 8, 2017 / 9:15 am

    Wow that has made me cry and also made me look at my life we all take things for granted and I have to change that. I have fantastic friends and fantastic family and I should tell them. Thank you for being so open and honest xx

  3. Jacky
    October 8, 2017 / 9:17 am

    It’s so lovely to read this & I’m so glad you’re feeling in such a positive place! xx

  4. Cat
    October 8, 2017 / 9:19 am

    A lovely read, open and honest and wonderful! Xxx

  5. October 8, 2017 / 9:22 am

    What a beautiful post and I appreciate exactly those feelings of happiness. It’s a gorgeous morning here in London and I’ve just been wandering round the house in my dressing gown looking at how the light is falling in the rooms and feeling SO HAPPY. Yes we’re British and apparently it’s not ok to celebrate the little things in life but we really should. Despite not being able to have children, I feel blissfully happy and fortunate every damn day. I’ve dealt with my grief and learned to love a life that’s full and rich in other ways. We have to reach for the stars. Thank you for sharing and have a lovely day x

  6. Beth
    October 8, 2017 / 9:26 am

    Love this post! Thank you for sharing. X

  7. October 8, 2017 / 9:34 am

    Oh Charlotte you’ve really hit some buttons with me here. But in a good way. I too suffer from anxiety and as I’m currently on maternity leave I’m really struggling with the concept of going back to work. Yes I went through university to get where I am, but now my priorities have changed and I now I feel like i don’t want to do that job anymore. I am truly happy at the moment, but I fear that will change when I go back to work. I have some major thinking to do. I love your blog so much, it has Inspired me in many ways 🙂 x

    • October 8, 2017 / 10:09 am

      Sorry to hear that you have suffered from anxiety in the past but it is brilliant to read that you are now in such a happy place and are able to embrace the little things in life that really matter. It is so easy to get bogged down sometimes. Thank you for sharing. It is a lesson we can all learn from xx

  8. Laura
    October 8, 2017 / 9:53 am

    I think this is fabulous. I’m far from this place in my life but I’m pleased to read about it. I don’t feel jealous or bitter. I don’t want to tear anyone down. It gives me hope and right now that’s just what I need xx

  9. Kate Theophilus
    October 8, 2017 / 10:09 am

    Crying reading this as it’s the most honest words I have read for a very long time 💖

  10. Sarah
    October 8, 2017 / 10:19 am

    You have every right to shout from the rooftops, I have found that people are just not happy for others & unfortunately display contempt. It’s taken me nearly all my life, plus the love & support from my new husband to be able to stand up for myself. Embrace the positive & let negativity go. 😘 xx
    P.s Please don’t think I’m a stalker, I just love your blog and posts 😄 xx

  11. Kelly
    October 8, 2017 / 10:34 am

    This brought tears to my eyes reading this 😭.

    So many of us always worry too much about “what other people think” whether it’s about that pic I’ve posted, a comment I’ve left on someone’s post, or sharing good news. It’s so sad that we live in a world that is so judgmental, where people genuinely think that you are “bragging or gloating” about yourself when you tell the world how happy you are, or proud of something you’ve achieved! Personally, I find the hardest thing is letting the guard down {it’s like wearing your heart on your sleeve and letting the world see what / how you feel}, for this exact reason.

    It’s so lovely to read a I A M H A P P Y story, but that life’s not always all roses, it is tough, and there will always be ups and downs and bumps in the road {even if people don’t share the tough times, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist}.

    Lots of love 💗

  12. Sarah
    October 8, 2017 / 10:43 am

    Hi Charlotte I just wanted to say how emotional your blog made me feel this morning. I also struggle with anxiety but am currently in a good place with it. I know it won’t always be this way and some days are easier than others but I am embracing the ‘light’ feeling while it lasts. When my anxiety is at its worst it zaps my confidence, as a parent, in my job and just in life in general really. It gives me hope to read how you have been able to achieve so much and your lovely bubbly personality always cheers me up. Sorry for blabbering on I just wanted to say thank you for reminding me of what I already know, life is good, and we should always look for the positives in every day. Love Sarah x

  13. Joy Gascoigne
    October 8, 2017 / 10:50 am

    I’ve only been on Instagram for a few months Charlotte, but I love following your posts and seeing your lovely family and home. You never know what people are going through and often think others have perfect lives. Your post is very heartwarming and you’re right we shouldn’t be sorry to show if we are happy, life is too short 💜XX

  14. Caroline Davies
    October 8, 2017 / 11:11 am

    Hi Charlotte . Such a lovely post. Made me smile. xxx

  15. Rebecca Deaville
    October 8, 2017 / 11:51 am

    Beautifully written Charlotte ❤️

  16. Danielle
    October 8, 2017 / 12:04 pm

    Do you know what you are absolutely spot on. Why don’t we say when we are happy or things are good? Surely if we share our happiness it will spread happiness.
    Good for the Sunday soul so thank you
    Xx

  17. Jean
    October 8, 2017 / 12:25 pm

    Thank you so much for airing your feelings I’m myself not in a very good place at the moment but it’s posts like this that help to pick me up and move on. You have a beautiful family & you deserve all the happiness you have. Take care 🌹😗🌹🌹

  18. Linda sage
    October 8, 2017 / 12:26 pm

    Thank you for sharing Charlotte, any of us who suffer with anxiety always seem to focus on the negative thoughts that enter our minds instead of the positive ones. Like you, I too have so so much to be grateful for and with starting my day with positive affirmations I am finding the joy each day brings rather than the ‘but what if’s’. You’re beautiful inside and out, so, thanks again for being such a wonderful human! Xx

  19. Rosie
    October 8, 2017 / 1:18 pm

    Love this- so humbling and true!

  20. Ab
    October 8, 2017 / 1:51 pm

    Thank you for allowing us to read this. For someone that at present is travelling a very rocky, uncertain road you have given them some hope that there is light at the end of that very long tunnel xxx

    Lots of love

    AB

  21. Franki
    October 8, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Yes! I struggle to say I’m happy or I’m sad because someone will point out that there is someone more happy or more sad than I could be.

    It’s great that you feel amazing at the moment – and may it long continue!

  22. Nicola
    October 8, 2017 / 3:14 pm

    A beautiful post that reasonates on so many ways to me and how things had been going but I’m happy, they are happy and we are happy and that is worth shouting xx

  23. Caroline
    October 8, 2017 / 3:51 pm

    This was exactly the post I needed to read today. On Friday my 17month old little boy had a seizure due to a high temperature, I can’t say it out loud but on here I can admit I thought I was losing him. Thankfully he seems to be on the mend but as well as all that my husband and I are currently trying to renovate our home whilst working and bringing up 2 children under 3! Before Friday I was anxious constantly doubting my ability as a parents and a wife and thinking we had made the biggest mistake ever with the house. But Friday change all that when in one minute I thought something so precious to me was going to be taken away, I look around now and don’t see the old bathroom or lack of wallpaper I see my family and the love we have. Your post has confirm to me today that it is ok to be happy. Xx

  24. Gemma
    October 8, 2017 / 4:41 pm

    Well that has just made my Sunday thank you Charlotte for that positive happy and loving post it’s so refreshing it hear how happy a person is rather than how unhappy. I’m so grateful for the people on my life and it’s time to start telling them more xxxx thank you xx

  25. Alexis Hughes
    October 8, 2017 / 9:11 pm

    This rings so true. If more of us could spread the positivity and love, the world would be a better place. We should never be ashamed of being happy. Thank you for writing such a beautiful post Charlotte x

  26. Louise
    October 8, 2017 / 9:19 pm

    What a lovely uplifting post! xx

  27. Claire
    October 8, 2017 / 9:46 pm

    Charlotte, Such a lovely post. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it just takes someone to actually say “I’m happy and it’s ok to be happy”, for you then to actually sit back and think ” am I happy too!!!! ”
    Xxx

  28. SnoozieG
    October 9, 2017 / 6:08 am

    Lovely post Charlottex

  29. October 9, 2017 / 8:56 am

    What a great post Charlotte, and Too right we should be able to share when we are happy without the feeling of showing off or boasting!! go girl! ❤️

  30. Georgia Stubbs
    October 9, 2017 / 11:52 am

    Oh wow! 😍 This is an amazing post and it’s sooo refreshing to hear happiness rather all doom and gloom. We need more post like this, to actually lift people’s spirits and to start looking at the positives in their own lifes rather negatives! I too have started to feel a lot happier in myself and my aniexty is starting to simmer down (thankfully 🙌🏼) And reading your post has confirmed it. Thank you xxx

  31. Linda Davidson
    October 10, 2017 / 7:44 am

    Charlotte, what a lovely honest post … thank you for sharing with us all and so glad you’re in a better place now. Judging by the other posts on here we have all had a think about our own position and happiness too. Thank you x

  32. Annie walsh
    October 17, 2017 / 7:27 pm

    Such a lovely post, its nice to see people happy when there is so much negativity is about these days! X

  33. View over the Valley
    October 23, 2017 / 6:52 am

    Thank you Charlotte. I’ve just sat and read this lovely post. I’m sat feeling so thankful for my little family that I’ve been blessed with. I can relate soooo much to your anxiety and worrying about worrying, this I think is my life’s battle but I’m gonna keep on fighting it for sure! We are on half term holiday in St Ives and six years ago this week I stood and cried on the beach, I had just found out that our family of three children was now going to be four. How would I cope? My children were all past the young stage, I would go back to those hard work days and nights, I’d be old compared to the other Mums, people would laugh at a mum of a teenager with a newborn. Oh how wrong I was. What an absolute joy that little baby has brought to my life. My heart just expanded with love for her and she has taught me so many things. Each night her Dad and I go into her room and check on her before we go to sleep, and each night we are so grateful that we were given this precious gift. Today I intend to go back to that same beach and remember how I felt six years ago and look at how I feel today….grateful beyond words and HAPPY.

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