How does social media make you feel?
Facebook can be a brilliant way of keeping in touch with friends & family which you wouldn’t otherwise, Instagram a maze of inspiration & online friendships.
Despite the positives, I feel like social media has hidden, deeper flaws. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely won’t be deleting my accounts anytime soon but I thought i’d blog about the downside of sharing your life through an iphone…warts & all.
How many times have you looked at my Instagram page & thought ‘how does she keep it so tidy with two young children?’ this is something I get asked on a frequent basis & so, here’s the honest truth.
I suffer from anxiety & have been on medication & undergoing CBT therapy. Always have done & always will do as it’s a part of my personality. I’m also a do-er & a productive person which means that if I see something that needs doing, it will be done. I spend my time writing to-do lists & always have something on the go. I would love to actually be ‘in the moment’ rather than always looking 1 step ahead at what I need to be doing. To be able to sit & play with my children for more than 2 minutes before finding something ‘more worthwhile’ to do like putting on a load of laundry or preparing dinner. Tidying makes me feel in control & I can’t physically sit down until I can look around & know everythings done. I can promise you it isn’t a nice way to live & requires an enormous amount of effort & pressure.
On the other side, the truth is that Instagram & facebook only show one tiny snapshot & frame of time. We’re all guilty of staging photo’s & making things look better than they really are. Why would we post a picture of a toy strewn room, a tantrum throwing attitude-problem toddler or a just woken up make-up free selfie? Humans naturally love to sugarcoat things & I am definitely guilty of this.
How often has Instagram made you feel like a bad parent? Seeing parents showing off their beautifully dressed baby whilst yours is in 2 day old snot/banana/god knows what smeared babygrow at 3pm. Seeing parents constantly baking/crafting/exploring with their little cherub (who is ALWAYS so well behaved, of course) whilst you stick them infront of Mr Tumble for 2 hours whilst you sit on your phone to escape from the reality of parenthood? How many times have you compared your childs ability to other children you’ve never met & probably never will? ‘Oh whatshername off Instagram’s little boy is 4 months old & can recite the alphabet backwards whilst juggling & standing on one leg….little Billybob isn’t even sitting up yet’.
How many times have you ‘Facebook stalked’ people you used to know & judged them from those pictures. How they look, things they seem to be doing…any information you can see on that profile will lead to you making a decision on how they are doing with their lives.
I for one CONSTANTLY compare myself to others & have no doubt that others do that same to me & my ‘idyllic’ life with my beautiful home, loving husband & perfect little boy & girl.
IT ISN’T REALITY.
What I really wanted to get across is don’t compare yourself to a stranger on social media.
So, in true ‘keeping it real’ style…i’ve decided to show you some unfiltered home pictures i’ve just taken but wouldn’t dream of posting on Instagram but are always there. Judge away.
The ‘other’ side of the conservatory….
I now have to put that lovely throw over my footstool whenever Rory is around as he keeps dribbling/puking/snoting/wiping banana all over the Laura Ashley fabric.
Have you had experience of this? I’d love to hear your opinions.
Love, Charlotte x
What an utterly brave post! And i for one thank you very much for it! The funny thing is that those of us with an ounce of normality, know that instagram and the likes are always "filtered" (and I do it too!), but you actually inspire me to clean my house and organised/de clutter and try to make my home more beautiful. So thank you! Dont be afraid to be yourself Charlotte; I and so many others think youre wonderful 🙂
Helen x
Charlotte. You have just described my life. Thank you for your honesty. I hardly post home pics because I am so obsessive. But you have nail me spot on even to the point of I am also having weekly cbt and on medication. If my home isn't right or something is wrong or waiting to be done… I can't cope. I won't sleep and I feel I'm failing x
Yep I've certainly started to de-clutter since serafranklin introduced me to your page!!!!! X
What a fab and honest post. Love your blog and instagram. You've inspired me to start decluttering which is something i find really difficult. Fiona x
Hi Helen, thank you so much for your lovely comment – it means the world! I think that many people don't seem to see the 'filtered' side you speak of hence asking me why my house is ALWAYS so tidy…it isn't & never could be with two children but I do work my arse off trying! xx
So lovely to hear that other people are like me! It's a horrible feeling isn't it? After speaking to a councillor I realised the only person that puts all this 'perfection' pressure on me, is me! I'd love to be able to be more laid back when it comes to tidying so that's something i'm working on xx
Ahh the lovely Sera!! It's amazing how it'll make you feel once done – even if you do wonder why you started 🙂 xx
You can totally do it Fiona!! Then you'll wonder why you didnt start before…it's a very fulfilling feeling xx
I don't have children but I totally know what you mean about not being able to sit and relax while things need doing or tidying. I also suffer from anxiety and it always feels a comfort when others step out and share they do too. Your home is beautiful but don't be afraid to share the imperfections on IG 🙂 @just_dizzyb xx
Whether we have children or not doesnt make too much of a difference lovely. It's exhausting at times having to have everything just 'so' isn't it. Always here if you need to talk x
My daughters are grown – oh so quickly – 27 and 19 years old but I still recall all the feelings you describe. Lucky me, these were the days before Instagram and Facebook and as much as I love social media and the 'perfect' images I truly believe we must take it all with a great big pinch of salt. Your home is beautiful and high five to you for showing the 'real' home you live in – behind every perfect image on social media, I really hope that a real life is going on behind the scenes �� x x
Thank you for this post. Being a mummy can be a lonely job. Having recently discovered Instagram I can safely say I have found a new way of feeling worse about myself. Yes it can be inspiring…but also incredibly disheartening. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in those feelings. xxx
Thank you for this post. Being a mummy can be a lonely job. Having recently discovered Instagram I can safely say I have found a new way of feeling worse about myself. Yes it can be inspiring…but also incredibly disheartening. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in those feelings. xxx
Hi Angie, I think parents nowadays definitely have more pressure to be 'perfect' but that's not really real life is it, especially with young children x
You've got this mumma – don't be disheartened! Just remember that people only show you what they want you to see x